The problem with 'I'm not that guy' and when dating feels dangerous

Then, he rocked up on my doorstep.

At best, arriving at someone's house uninvited when they've stopped you from contacting them on every other platform demonstrates a staggering lack of awareness as to what is, and isn't, acceptable behaviour.

At worst, it's how women become another statistic.

A few days ago, I made the decision to start sharing my location with a couple of my close friends. It was their idea, and although I hate letting apps track me, I agreed it had merit.

Just in case.

It's been a tense couple of weeks following the death of Molly Ticehurst in Forbes. Her ex partner has been charged with murder and there have been anti-violence rallies taking place.

I'm now trying to make sense of my own experiences, the latest of which left me more rattled than what I would like to admit.

This is not the first time things have gone south after a relationship has ended, but it is the first time I've had an ex show up at my house.

I had known him for a grand total of three weeks.

He knocked on my door, pleaded that he just wanted to talk, that he had tried to give me space, that he wasn't "that guy".

Relationships take two people. That's the whole point. If one person ends it because they're unhappy it can be a tough pill to swallow but it needs swallowing nonetheless.

Contrary to what some Hallmark movies might suggest, forcing your affections on someone who is not interested is not romantic - it's harassment.

It's not good enough to simply claim you're "not that guy" without trying to understand how your actions are interpreted by those on the receiving end.

I had to tell him - again - that it was over and pointed out that surely he could see how creepy it was to come to my house unannounced.

But he didn't. He wanted to talk to me, and he couldn't get hold of me any other way.

I have no doubt he did not get the resolution he wanted. I was caught off guard and panicked and was neither articulate nor diplomatic when I told him to leave.

At the time, I was scared, and then angry, before feeling needlessly guilty for hurting someone's feelings by having to repeatedly tell them it's over.

The following day we had a long back and forth over text once I had gathered my thoughts. The outcome didn't change, but I hope I conveyed just how uncomfortable he made me feel.

I later learned that it wasn't his intention to frighten me - and I do believe him - but my feelings remain valid.

I ended up going into work on a Sunday even though I'd planned to go hiking, because I wanted to have a colleague nearby and going into the bush alone suddenly seemed like a bad idea.

I am acutely aware this incident barely registers compared to what some women have to endure, yet that still doesn't make it acceptable.

Bad behaviour is a spectrum, but it always starts somewhere. It's time to stop making excuses.