It's a schedule to delight divorce lawyers.
Between now and October, Australia's elite sportsmen and women are set for more frenetic activity than Donald Trump at an all-you-can eat buffet.
And the country's equally devoted sport viewing public can expect a similarly exhausting banquet.
A casual five world cups (cricket, soccer, netball, basketball and rugby), two Ashes series plus the biggest individual events in tennis, cycling and athletics are all looming.
So call the boss and make up some excuse for not turning up for a while, check the batteries in the TV remote, stock up the esky and snuggle down for four months of selfish, sleep-depriving, family-ignoring, lovely, lovely sport viewing.
And just to help, here's your somewhat slanted guide to the action.
Men's Cricket World Cup
When: May 30 to July 14
Plot: Popular figures Steve Smith and David Warner are warmly welcomed back to the international arena by the forgiving fans of the host nation.
Tassie subplot: With no Tasmanians in the squad, the nation turned to its all-time leading World Cup run-scorer (1743), century-maker (five) and boundary-hitter (176) Ricky Ponting to help coach.
Women's Soccer World Cup
When: June 7 to July 8
Plot: Sam Kerr and co. have a realistic opportunity to make Australia a global player in the world game. No really.
Tassie subplot: Forward Lisa DeVanna hails from Perth. What do you mean there's a Perth in WA?
When: July 1-14
Where: London, England
Plot: Another opportunity to see the likes of Roger Federer and Novak Djokovic embarrass their nations with petulant displays of immaturity against upstanding Aussie role models Bernard Tomic and Nick Kyrgios.
Tassie subplot: Tomic rates the 2009 Burnie International among his career highlights, maybe.
Netball World Cup
When: July 12-21
Where: Liverpool, England
Plot: Australia's women have won the netball world cup six times more often than their men have won the cricket version, but retain one per cent of their profile.
Tassie subplot: If Caitlin Bassett and co. claim a 12th world title, they could chart their success back to lessons learned from the loss to arch-rivals New Zealand at the Launceston Silverdome on a chilly October night in 2016.
When: July 2 to August 4
Plot: A multi-format series comprising three T20s, three ODIs and one five-day Test match is likely to cause far more headaches for Meg Lanning's world-beaters than the host nation.
Tassie subplot: Ellyse Perry's escalation to arguably the world's best female player can be traced directly back to tips from excitable Scotch Oakburn students during a visit to the college in 2014.
Tour de France
When: July 6-28
Where: France mostly
Plot: Who can break the virtual monopoly that has seen British riders Bradley Wiggins, Chris Froome and Geraint Thomas claim six of the last seven titles?
Tassie subplot: Richie Porte, that's who. Maybe with a little help from Will Clarke.
When: August 1 to September 16
Plot: Smith and Warner renew their jovial relationship with the Barmy Army hoping to break the run that has seen the last four Ashes series won by the hosts.
Tassie subplot: When he's not hogging the media spotlight for nailing baskets from the half-court line, wicket-keeping captain Tim Paine has quietly and methodically gone about steering the Australian men's cricket team out from the foul, depraved and despised cesspit where it had been marooned by his leadership predecessors.
Men's Basketball World Cup
When: August 31 to September 15
Plot: What has been widely acclaimed as the best Australian squad ever assembled is tasked with finally landing the nation a medal. No pressure.
Tassie subplot: The recently-announced 17-man squad is headlined by Launceston-born, PCYC product and West Launceston Primary School alumni Chris Goulding. And 10 NBA players.
Men's Rugby World Cup
When: September 20 to November 2
Plot: Without a win this century, Michael Cheika's hopes rest on the broad shoulders of Israel Folau. [What do you mean 'maybe I should check that'?]
Tassie subplot: Who could possibly forget the 2003 clash between global heavyweights Romania and Namibia in Launceston, apart from everyone who went.
Athletics World Championships
When: September 27 to October 6
Where: Doha, Qatar
Plot: Hot on the heels of FIFA and other such incorruptible souls, athletics is the latest sport to sell out to Qatar and its air-conditioned promises.
Tassie subplot: Javelin thrower Hamish Peacock, runners Stewart McSweyn and Jack Hale, The Sunday Examiner columnist Brian Roe ... the list is endless.