Editor ends up with 'blurter buffer zone'

For more than a month now self-confessed rotund Gazette editor Matt Lawrence has been taking to the public pool at his local aquatic centre before arriving at the office in an attempt to trim the fat. Instead of doing laps, he's devised his own water aerobic routine that involves a lot of up and down blubber shaking. Last week he found out there is a downside to such an activity… the movement of internal gases. When did he find this out? As he attempted to exit the pool. Our editor completes his morning drill with a group of early rising seniors in the open lanes. And like most of the older folk, he enters and exits via the stairs at the shallow end of the pool. On the said revelation day, having completed his workout Mr Lawrence made his way to the said exit point, at which on this occasion a small herd of ladies was gathered - business as usual, until he reached the last step to dry land. Then it happened. His last step out resulted in a loud rambunctious crack exploding from his swimming trunks, unfortunately aimed at the ladies. Usually, this could be passed off as the sound of a heavy foot hitting the ground, but in a covered pool the sound was like a starter's gun. Had there been anyone on the blocks, it most definitely would have led to a false start. Disgraced, he didn't look back, but walked fast for his towel and bag and exited the venue. Mr Lawrence is sure he didn't get away with it, due to the fact he now seems to have a space around him during his workouts ... like a blurter buffer zone. Hawkeye would like to point out, it could have been much worse ... (Pictured is another Lawrence – Lawrie Lawrence, poolside, not ours).